Hey, I’m finally back. To Stephen Fry and anyone else who has ever considered getting rhinoplastic surgery (or a “nose job”) for purely aesthetic reasons: Just don’t. I doubt that any nose can be bad enough to justify this sort of pain and discomfort. I might even be so bold and suggest that a visit to a therapist might be advisable first. The only thing that got me through the last weeks was hoping (and eventually knowing) that my breathing situation will improve eventually. The knowledge that the procedure was necessary from a medical point of view was crucial for me – I don’t think that I would have been able to take some of the procedures in stride otherwise.
And since I’m in the culpit anyway: Don’t do drugs, kids. I’ve never taken any (I saw what smoking weed did to the supposedly “cool” kids at school) and a nice shot of Dipidolor, injected after waking up from anaesthesia, kept me pain-free for almost 24 hours. Would it have done the same thing if I’d had a drug past? Certainly not! Save the highs for the times you really need them. Ok, on with the story, grandma.
I also woke up from surgery with two very impressive black eyes, polished off by a lovely subconjunctival hemorrhage in my left eye. While these were relatively painless for me, they proved to be a great source of discomfort for loved ones and complete strangers, who literally would not look me in the eye when I talked to them. Or, as an elderly Asian lady did at the clinic’s waiting room, they would sit there and openly stare at me. My eye may have been red, but I could still see ya there, lady. I thought you were being pretty damn rude!
Because the Wikipedia entry’s picture is pretty harmless and I missed out on my favourite holiday, Halloween, here’s some visual aid in my quest to freak you out:
The really bad part was having swollen jaws, another side effect of rhinoplasty. I could hardly open my mouth, I could not talk and I could not eat properly, which didn’t really matter because I could not taste or smell anything, anyway. It’s been four weeks since getting the surgery now and my sense of taste has returned, albeit dulled, but I still can’t smell anything which is odd because I always thought they were related.
Then, there’s my newly developed intolerance of cigarette smoke. I just can’t stand it in my immediate vicinity. It bloody hurts my nose! Since there is absolutely no non-smoker protection in German law (yet), my choices in how I wish to spend my spare time are extremely limited. I’m home a lot these days.
I really don’t want to come across as whiney because I think I did keep a pretty brave face most of the time. After all, I didn’t even cry while the cast on my nose was replaced, and that was the most painful thing I have experienced so far. I’d just like to make people who are thinking about getting a nose job reconsider. Most websites will tell you that the procedure is painless and will be done with in one to two weeks. Not true – lots of pain, and four weeks later I’m still feeling the consequences. I looked up some videos of rhinoplasty on YouTube and there were a lot of teenagers saying “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to get this done” in the comment sections, as if rhinoplasty was something casual like getting your hair dyed, or your nose pierced. It’s not, it is surgery, including general anaesthesia and risks.
I won’t go off on a tangent about how beauty is becoming a norm and individuality increasingly frowned upon, but learn to love yourselves, people. Life is too short to throw away a month of your life just to have a prettier beak in your face!
