As I was walking around Cologne Central Station last night, waiting for a friend to arrive, I noticed lots of “chicks” walking around carrying bags of Madonna’s latest fashion escapades for H&M. Come on! It’s just a bunch of badly sewn polyester! And I should know, I walked to the local branch of H&M on March 22 (i.e., release day) with a friend, who made me try on the catsuit. That thing is so full of plastic that when I took it off and accidentally swept one of the legs across the floor, it had picked up all of the dressing room’s floordust. Ewww! Plus the zipper is so ultra-cheap that I predict that it shall be opened and closed a maximum of three times until it breaks.
Nevertheless, we witnessed some pretty dramatic catfights over that catsuit. My favourite moment must have been when my friend asked me how I liked the collection and I said, “I don’t know, I expected the dresses to be a lot longer” my friend replied “Yeah well, what do you expect, Madonna is only like 5′ 2″ tall”, this woman turns around and jangles, “Madonna is 5′ 4″!” – like it actually matters how tall Madonna is! So I took a closer look at the lady in question and I must say, people who can’t age gracefully are just the saddest thing. I would guess that she was around 50 years old, but petite and very slender. Still, her skin gave away her real age, or maybe she just hit the solarium a little too often – say, about 100% too much. Her hair – extensions, natch. French nails, too much makeup, hair just a little too long and too dark, need I go on? And she bought everything from the collection, even the super-ugly el cheapo sunglasses. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat and realize that I had been dreaming about her in that catsuit. Ok, not true. But I do find myself thinking about her often. Why? I can only guess. I hope I won’t end up like her someday! Age-inappropriate clothes, fangirling obsessive behaviour, the air of pathos and despair – oh, who am I kidding! I’m on my way!
Sorry it took me so long!
